Crystal Ball 2015 | Business Facilities - Area Economic Development, Site Selection & Workforce Solutions

BF's interstellar drones go into the future and bring back next year's headlines.
BF's interstellar drones go into the future and bring back next year's headlines.

Crystal Ball 2015

Crystal Ball 2015 | Business Facilities - Area Economic Development, Site Selection & Workforce Solutions

new-year-ballimg_assist_customIt’s that time again. Without further ado, let’s all peek at the stories that will make headlines next year:

— Price of oil drops below $25/barrel, General Motors reintroduces Olds Cutlass with 440 rocket V-8 engine, four-barrel carburetor.

— Washington Redskins change their name to Orangemen, replace Indian head logo with bust of John Boehner.

— Vladimir Putin offers to sell Crimea back to Ukraine for $10 billion, says he was “just kidding” about annexation.

— Kim Jong-un says North Korea will conduct missile tests over Hawaii if Dumb and Dumber 2 doesn’t win Best Picture Oscar.

— U.S. Supreme Court rules Obamacare violates 8th Amendment of the Constitution prohibiting cruel and unusual punishment.

— Koch brothers buy Keystone oil pipeline, reroute it through six Kansas wind farms.

— Chris Christie moves to Des Moines, claims residency in Iowa presidential caucus.

— Google driverless car impounded by California highway patrol for texting while driving.

— Former Jets coach Rex Ryan declares candidacy for governor of NJ, says “my belly band worked better than his.”

— During U.S. visit, Pope Francis tells Florida crowd pet pythons can’t go to heaven.

— Rand Paul unable to attend campaign rally in Iowa when unexpected closure of three lanes on state highway causes massive traffic jam.

— Mark Zuckerberg presents custom Facebook page with automatic “like” button to Xi Jinping in Beijing.

— Mitch McConnell pushes bill through Senate naming coal-filtered bourbon “official drink of the United States.”

— Congress funds new infrastructure bank with national lottery “toll tickets” awarding $1 million to anyone who can drive across the U.S. without encountering a bridge collapse.

— Sarah Palin opens chain of “Locked and Loaded” marijuana distributorships in Alaska.

— ESPN drone intercepts game-winning touchdown pass at Rose Bowl, destroys Hollywood sign with Hellfire missile.

— George W. Bush withdraws endorsement of brother’s presidential campaign when Jeb unveils slogan “I’m the Smart One.”

— Mars rover discovers Snickers wrapper while digging in crater.

— Donald Trump buys bankrupt Revel casino for $25 million, converts it into Trump Mausoleum “so there’ll be enough room for everyone who wants to pay their respects to me.”

— President Obama signs executive order lifting smoking ban in federal buildings, adds corn dogs and cheesy fries to school lunch menus.

— Michele Obama moves back to Chicago, says she “needs some space.”

— Fracking operation in South Dakota uncovers Custer’s Last Will and Testament, including copyright for use of Washington Redskins brand.

— Hillary Clinton promises voters will get “to pick my next hairstyle” if she’s elected president.

— Responding to concerns that advanced artificial intelligence systems eventually will decide to eliminate humans, new high-IQ AI program tweets: “Doesn’t everybody think the Mets would do better without their owner?”

A Happy and Prosperous New Year to All!






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