Crystal Ball 2012

Crystal Ball 2012 | Business Facilities - Economic Development, Site Selection & Workforce Solutions
It's that time again. Without further ado, let's all peek at the stories that will make headlines next year.

Crystal Ball 2012


Crystal Ball 2012

As another tumultuous year comes to an end, it’s time to peer into our Crystal Ball for some sure-fire prognostications of the big stories of 2012:


— Siri checks into Betty Ford Clinic, says she’s “tired of answering questions” for everybody.

— Jon Corzine reveals he loaned missing MF Global funds to Solyndra.

— Einstein letter from 1939 warning FDR of particles exceeding speed of light discovered in Princeton, NJ postal bin.

— Ron Paul says U.S. Postal Service should be replaced by Pony Express.

— Agreement by Germany, France and Austria to withdraw from EU and recreate Hapsburg Empire collapses when leaders can’t agree on dinner menu.

— Amish family, swallowed in sinkhole caused by Marcellus Shale fracking operation in Lancaster, PA, emerges unharmed in Poughkeepsie, NY.

— President Obama unveils new campaign slogan: “Hope for Spare Change.”

— Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sets off radiation alarms in New York while making speech at UN.

— Former UN Ambassador John Bolton reveals he really is Yosemite Sam.

— Missing MF Global funds found in locker at Hoboken, NJ train station. Jon Corzine, reached on train platform, says he doesn’t know how they got there.

— Mets schedule “Occupy Citi Field Night” during opening arguments of team owners’ Madoff trial.

— Port Authority police arrest man who attempts to pay George Washington Bridge toll with Krugerrands.

— McDonald’s introduces Freddie Mac burger, featuring half-pound of subprime beef and mortgage for McMansion in North Las Vegas.

— Ben Bernanke checks into Betty Ford Clinic, says he “can’t stop printing money.”

— Mitt Romney severs ties to Bain Capital after investment firm buys Mets, lays off bullpen and sells team to Oklahoma City.

— Jets fire coach Rex Ryan after Rob Ryan reveals he took brother’s SAT test.

— California sells Muir forest to IKEA. IKEA introduces line of “big and tall” redwood lawn furniture.

— Test run on ski jump at Winter Olympics site in Russia canceled when viewing stand sinks into melting permafrost. Event moved to Xanadu shopping mall in NJ.

— U.S. drone strike at G-20 meeting injures Saudi Arabian foreign minister. Chinese president refuses to return missile parts that land in his soup.

— U.S. Supreme Court, in 5-4 decision, rules Obamacare and Social Security payroll tax are unconstitutional. Writing for majority, Justice Scalia declares “old age is a preexisting condition.”


A Happy and Prosperous New Year to All!

You Might Like:

  • Seed Money: NJ Supports Tech Start-ups With VC FundingThe New Jersey Economic Development Authority (NJEDA) has found a novel way of expanding this toolset: NJEDA has made a series of "limited partnership" investments in an NJ-based private venture-capital fund that […]
  • Water on the BrainThe largest—and arguably the most critical—infrastructure project in the nation has been put on hold for another 10 years.
  • Eye PhoneApple and Google vow to defend our privacy even if it kills us.
  • Crystal Ball 2016Step aside, Monmouth and Quinnipiac: BF's got the odds-on favorites for next year's headlines.